Gordon Holmes Presents His Patented Horrible “Survivor: Ghost Island” Pre-Season Picks
QUICK NOTE: The good folks at XFINITY sent me deep into the Fijian wilderness to bring you an exclusive look at “Survivor: Ghost Island.” While I was there I conducted interviews with “Survivor” host Jeff Probst and the entire cast. I also captured exclusive photos and other behind-the-scenes tidbits. So, be sure to follow me on Twitter (@gordonholmes) for up-to-the-minute updates.
Alright, you all know the drill; I go out on location. I interview everyone, I hang out for a few days, I get a sunburn. Then I come back and rank the players from most-likely-to-win to least-likely-to-win. Inevitably these rankings are misguided and embarrassing. Let’s also ignore that mathematically, I probably should have picked a winner by now.
Note: Betting on Gordon Holmes’ Patented Terrible ‘Survivor: Ghost Island’ Pre-Season Rankings is frowned upon.
1. Wendell: He’s smart, but he doesn’t have a job that would tip people off to that fact. He’s athletic, but he doesn’t have the physique of Chris or Michael. He’s a super fan, but he doesn’t put off super fan vibes like Jacob. Add to that a heaping helping of charm and you have my pick to take it all. (Of course, I’ve never picked the winner, so enjoy 7th place, Wendell.)
2. Kellyn: Love me some Kellyn. If she can combine her genuine good nature with the ability to own any backstabbery she does (and you have to own your game these days), she could be next to impossible to beat in front of a jury.
3. Domenick: This guy is a force of nature. Best of all, he’s a force of nature in a season where he doesn’t have any real competition for that crown. He’s gonna win big or flame out spectacularly.
4. Bradley: If Bradley ends up taking the million-dollar check, he should probably send a cut of that money to the “Survivor” press. His first day of interviews was a rough ride with him rubbing everyone the wrong way. Fortunately, he was able to learn from his mistakes and course correct the following day. He may stumble, but eventually he will run.
5. Laurel: She’s smart, she’s athletic, she knows the game, and she’s personable. There’s no reason for her to be anyone’s first target. She’ll have a lot of time to plot her course.
6. Stephanie: Stephanie is the right kind of super fan. She’s not going to go full Max and throw Probst’s quotes back at him. She’s going to use her expertise to make sound decisions.
7. Jenna: Maybe more than anyone else this season, Jenna and I clicked immediately. I spared you this in the interview write-up, but I ended up boring her with some pretty intimate details about my life. I think she’s going to click with quite a few people out there.
8. Morgan: Despite the rookie mistake of bringing fancy bags to Ponderosa, Morgan has a lot going for her. She’s fun, sweet, and will kill any water challenges.
9. Angela: Angela isn’t going to let everybody in. But the people she does let in are really going to like her and possibly even trust her. She could be the big surprise this season.
10. Sebastian: I…just…don’t…see…it. Unless he has some kind of Fabio run against a tribe of horrible people, I can’t imagine him taking home the big check.
11. Michael: What must it be like to look like Michael and only have like the 4th or 5th best male physique in the cast? Ugh…”Survivor” makes me hate myself and my middle-aged body. Anywho, Michael strikes me as first to go after the merge.
12. Gonzalez: A lot of people have pegged Gonzalez as a drama queen in the pre-game interviews. But I think she’ll be able to win them over and overcome that first impression.
13. James: James’s narrative about being a track coach isn’t going to last long considering Jacob already knows that he was a Harvard track star.
14. Chelsea: Out of everyone on this list, Chelsea is the hardest one to predict. She seemed nice enough during our interview, but I don’t feel like I got to speak to the real her. If others feel the same way, she could be gone quickly.
15. Donathan: I love me some Don Don. But, he gets my award for “Most Likely to Be Overwhelmed Early in the Game.” That’s not to say he can’t get his wits about him and right his ship. But, I’m worried he might overplay (or even underplay) in the first couple of days.
16. Libby: Can Libby drive an alliance to the end and convince a jury that she made the moves to get them there? I’d love to see it, but I wouldn’t bet on it.
17. Brendan: Brendan is the real deal. It’s like if Tom Westman and Captain America had a baby. I think the popular sentiment around the guy is going to be, “I’d love to have him as a neighbor, I’d hate to sit next to him at final Tribal.”
18. Desiree: Lies are to “Survivor” what baseballs are to…uh…baseball. They’re a necessity at this point. But doing things like fabricating entire people and storylines back home are bound to blow up in Desiree’s face at some point.
19. Jacob: I think we’re heading into a new era of “Survivor” where people are going to be very wary of super fans. Jacob will be the first true victim of this. Don’t be mad at me over it, blame Cochran, Adam, etc…
20. Chris: After the first tribe swap (and you know there will be at least twelve) Chris is done. With his physique and his lack of self-awareness, there will never be a bad time to send the “Noble One” home.